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The roads are covered in ice, your kids are driving you mad, and the cupboards are bare – what to do? Let our writers solve all your bad-weather-related difficultiesThe roads near me are well-gritted, traffic is flowing and the buses are running on time. How do I get off work?

Already you're doing two things wrong: you're not joining in the hype, and you're being terribly unimaginative about the number of possible excuses furnished by the Big Freeze™. For all your employer knows, your front door could be frozen shut, trapping you inside. You might have got stuck to your bus shelter seat. Perhaps your car got wedged in a huge drift of rock salt. You could be snow-blind, or worse, snow-intolerant. There are usually a few stories in the morning paper you can adapt to suit your needs. If you don't feel able to lie, then just skip work without saying anything and go back when everyone else does. Chances are no one will even ask about the reasons for your absence, and if they do, you can just say you had diarrhoea.

Tim DowlingWhich shoes are best for negotiating icy pavements?

There is just one rule: your sole must have a tread. If it doesn't, no matter how stylish your shoe, you will look try-hard and, possibly worse, are destined to slip. That rules out stilettos, flat pumps, and most cheap Ugg-alike sheepskin boots with flat rubber soles. Wellies remain the best solution. "Fun" wellies will stop you slipping but won't garner you any kudos unless you own Marc by Marc Jacobs's amazingly cheap ones with primary coloured treads (pictured, just £14, but only available from the boutique in London). Plain black or navy Hunters are becoming hackneyed but will keep you safely stylish. Aigle is currently top of the welly food chain. Other options include the frivolous apres-ski boot – good grip and perfect with skinny jeans – or a traditional hiking boot with bright laces and a chunky sock: very Marc Jacobs. Remember: icy pavements are precarious but provide the perfect conditions in which to carve out your place in the snow-chic hierarchy.

Imogen FoxAnd if I fall over, how can I get up with dignity?

1 If the bus queue applauds when you're flat on your ass, take a bow. Don't skulk off avoiding eye contact. That's pathetic.

2 Homer Simpson once noted the golden rule of comedy: "Man fall down. Funny." People are going to laugh at you. Accept it: you can secretly hate them for their misplaced levity.

3 Don't get up too quickly, because you'll probably go back down even faster. Marx noted that history repeats itself: first as tragedy, second as farce. Falling down is different: it's farcical the first time, the second time it's even funnier – at least to onlookers, 75% of whom are unfeeling brutes.

4 If you can't get up because you've broken something vital, try defusing the situation by singing the Chumbawamba song about the triumph over adversity while you await the ambulance's arrival. It'll be a long wait, but fortunately you can repeat the chorus for hours. This is a great way to disperse crowds. They'll think concussion has made you temporarily bonkers, and leave you to suffer alone.

5 If someone helps you recover your shopping/hat, think like Blanche Dubois. All of us on occasion depend on the kindness of strangers. Meet kindness with gratitude.

6 If you've scratched your BlackBerry/iPhone/Rolex in the tumble, don't go on about it. You'll get no pity, but you'll probably get mugged. And you know what? You'll deserve it.

Stuart JeffriesWith school shut, how can I keep the children entertained all day?

As realisation dawned that teachers were having a long, snuggly lie-in, my neighbours and I swung into action and set up a kid-pool system. The morning was spent in the garden. Lunch was at Tash's while I went out for a reviving coffee and emptied the craft section of my nearest pound-shop.

The afternoon then saw 10 children squabbling over scissors and shiny pink paper in my living room while Is

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Snow: frequently asked questions was originally published by Technology: Motoring | guardian.co.uk. Read the full story by clicking here.